Bastrop!

          Needless to say I ended up having a late start last Sunday heading to Bastrop, Tx.  I arrived at Phoenix Farms that is owned by my wonderful Brother and Sister around 9:30pm.  I sure got there a lot later than I had expected or wanted for that matter.  However, it was self induced when you have great friends come stay the weekend with you.  haha The first day here we pretty much just relaxed and ran a few errands in town and had a few cocktails.  Tuesday was much busier, I woke up with my allergies just going crazy and wanted to beat my head against the wall to get some relief, I think it’s because of the crazy weather we have been having.  Seriously it’s January and it was in the mid 70’s!  Any who instead of doing anything productive or awesome on the farm Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday I hid out in the house most of the day because of my allergies.  So much for farming I guess I’m just a city girl! J

          We ended up driving into Austin Thursday night and what a phenomenal time!  First stop was for Shayda to get a tattoo then it was onto this neat place called The High Ball.  We had a bite to eat and then you can choose to either continue sitting at your table and play a board game/drink, go bowling, two-step to country music, OR you could get a private room and do Karaoke.  We ended up choosing to Karaoke and if anyone knows me at all you know that I DO NOT Karaoke because I can’t carry a tune to save my life!  But I figured I’ve never done it before and I want to try everything at least once and it’s going to be in front of just family not on a huge stage or anything so I sang my little heart out!  WHAT A BLAST!  I know sounded awful and I did apologize to everyone’s ears but it was so much fun!

         Friday was yet again another good day, went back into Austin with Shayda for a girls day.  We went to this place called the Austin Art Garage where they sell local artists work.  I’m absolutely in love with the work made by Graham Franciose.  I ended up buying two of his pieces and I can’t wait to hang them up in my new house!  Then we just walked around a little shopping district and headed back to the farm.  I ended up staying an extra day for Tyler’s birthday on Saturday, he turned the big 20!  He has a super sensitive stomach so we have dubbed him as “Baby Tummy”.  So one of the best gifts he received that day was tums and pepto!  Haha We couldn’t resist.  We hung out until about 4:30 and then I headed out to Conroe, TX for my next adventure!

Much Love…

Rachel

Just a Dream...

                Its crazy for the past week I swear I have been dreaming every night and that’s very odd for me, I mean I dream often but definitely not every night.  Since I’ve been in Bastrop though every dream has been about Jeremy coming back from his deployment and for the moments that I’m in my state of delusion I’m so incredibly happy again.  Then inevitably I wake up super pissed off about it and sometimes for days depending on the content.  It’s another dose of reality that confirms that it was in fact just a dream.  Sometimes I feel so disconnected from Jeremy that it’s like the time we spent together was surreal and almost as if he only exists through my dreams.  As I look through pictures and different things that remind me of him, of course I know that the memories I have of him are real and our time together wasn’t just a figment of my imagination.  I think about the times we laughed together and the way he laughed because his laugh was definitely a one of a kind.  There was no mistaking Jeremy’s laugh; sometimes I would tickle him like crazy just so I could hear it.  I can remember the way he would look at me, always with such endearment, just complete love and trust.  It was like who is so freaking lucky to be with this amazing guy and be so happy???  This girl!  Most of all though I miss our conversations and the way he could make sense of everything no matter what it was, including me which isn’t always an easy task.  Heck I can’t even figure myself out sometimes.  I think a lot about what will happen or what it will be like the next time we are together again.  As time passes I know that its one day closer to seeing each other again but on the flipside it’s been that much further from the last time we were together.  Bottom line, no matter how much time passes it still hurts, not any more but not any less than the day before.  I used to be able to, as I describe it, put my feelings and thoughts on a shelf in my head and be able to put it up or take it down whenever I wanted.  I think it was somewhat of a self protecting deal but since the New Year it has been harder to do.  Apparently this is what I get for quitting my job, I have had so much time to think and dwell on things that it has been some what of a catch twenty-two.  If nothing else I know I sure had a few of the happiest and most amazing years of my life that I will never forget with Jeremy.  

Much Love…

Rachel

So Far...

                 So this is my third week off from work...  It’s been so nice sleeping in and spending the day with Hawk, however, it has been giving me so much time to just think.  Thinking about what I’m going to do in the up coming future and thinking about the past.  I’ve finally slowed down and been thinking a lot about all the wonderful memories Jeremy and I have shared and how aggravating it has been since the beginning of the year thinking about how he will not be a part of any of this.  I’ve been going through our things trying to get everything organized so that when I come back from all my travels I don’t have to do everything at once and be completely overwhelmed.  It feels good to have everything organized and sorted though, definitely not an easy task.  I applied for admission into the University of Texas at Arlington for the fall.  I want to get my Bachelors degree in Business Management with a concentration in Human Resources.  I’m extremely excited but super nervous at the same time but I know that in the end it will pay off.  FINGERS CROSSED! 

                I’m so ready to get back on the road which I will be this Sunday!!!  I will be back in Bastrop, TX for a week then it’s off to Houston until the end of the month!  Of course my booger butt Hawk will be riding shot gun.  We will head back up here the beginning of February to take care of some upcoming issues on my house and apartment.  My next stop will be going to see my parents and friends in Mississippi and Florida! I’m extremely excited about Florida; I haven’t been there in years.  First stop will be to see an amazing couple in Winter Springs then to see my Brother in Miami!  I’ve never been to either place so I can only imagine how much fun it will be!  Then back to Mississippi for a while and home to Fort Worth.  I see sky diving and learning to ride my babes Harley in the near future.  We’ll see how that goes though…  When summer hits I’ll be doing my trek up the east coast.  I figured that would be the smartest thing to do considering I was 0-2 with vehicles in one month, no need to take a 3^rd strike playing in the snow and ice.  Well that’s my plans for now and will definitely be updating with pictures and my adventures as they happen. J

Much Love…

Rachel

The New Year

        
       So 2011 is finally over…  I made the mistake of thinking that the second 2011 was over it would be a relief.  Relieved that the worst year of my life is finally over and I would have a better feeling.  Wow was I wrong.  I was surrounded by some of the greatest people for New Years and that was wonderful.  Then midnight hit and instead of me celebrating with everyone for the start of 2012 all I could do was cry.  I cried like a four year old and once I started I couldn’t stop, it felt like I digressed back to where I was nine months ago.  I was not expecting that and all I could think about was how mad I was that Jeremy wasn’t there and how he should be here celebrating with the rest of us.  It ended up being another slap of reality that Jeremy is really gone, and Jeremy won’t be a part of my 2012.  The holidays have been hard and the feelings that came with them have been extremely unwelcomed and exhausting at times.  I try to stay positive and strong but the holidays have seemed to knock me off my band wagon a little.  I do know that I have to stop trying so hard to beat my feelings back and let myself feel whatever it is that I’m feeling because I think holding it back did nothing but cause me to have a harder breakdown.  I was fortunate to have my close friends around me who didn’t judge me but this is just part of it I guess.  I do still hope that 2012 is better than 2011 it just has to be, I don’t think anything could top it so I guess it’s somewhat of a guarantee.  I love and miss you Jeremy.  I hope everyone has a Happy New Year.

Much Love…

Rachel