Thursday, December 8, 2011

~My Fairy Tale~

I thought the best way to start this would be from the beginning. 
This is where my story begins...


     My Husband Jeremy, known to many as SSgt Smith is and always has been an amazingly passionate man.  He was a poet, a loving husband, an exceptional Marine.  He wasn’t just my husband; he was my best friend, the light of my soul, my fairy tale man.  Jeremy brought so much love into my life and everything that is me.  I never could fathom the magnitude of love two people could share with one another until I met Jeremy.  We met July 4th 2008, I had just moved to Texas not even a week prior to our meeting.  We knew instantly that this was it we were destined to be together and on April 7, 2009 we were married at the court house then May 2, 2009 we were married AGAIN but in front of all our family and friends!  We were always laughing and joking and living our lives to the fullest.  We were all or nothing and I loved every minute of it.  It was all I ever dreamed of and so much more.   I know each of you know what I’m trying to say and there are no words that could ever really describe the love between two people it’s just a feeling that you know.
    
     Jeremy had a calling an enormous pull in his heart and that was to protect all of those he loved and cared for and serve his country.  That’s exactly what he did.  He left late February for his fourth deployment; he had completed 3 in Iraq and this was his first time to Afghanistan.  April 6, 2011 was the day I received a phone call from a man who said he was with the Marine Corps while I was at work…  My first thought was oh no Jeremy is hurt but hey they’re calling me so he’s alive and we can get through anything; I will pack up my things and go where ever he is to be by his side and take care of him.  The conversation continued and the Marine asked me if I was at work and where that is because he needed to talk to me face to face.  That’s when my heart completely dropped and I started freaking out.  I knew Jeremy had been killed not injured why else could he not tell me over the phone??!!  My co-workers tried to assure me that Jeremy must be trying to pull something cute since our anniversary was the very next day and he always liked surprising me.  I just could not quit shaking there was no way...   I knew but just didn’t want to say it, he was gone.  I waiting for 45 minutes before 4 Marines came into my office with such awful looks on their face.  There was no doubt what happened and they were about to confirm my biggest nightmare…  It was a friendly-fire incident and my sweet hubby was killed by a hellfire missile shot from a predator drone.  Apparently this is the first time an incident like this has ever happened.  I couldn’t even fathom the thought of it.  Everything after that is a blur I can’t tell you what day is was or when something happened or anything.  I lost the half that made me whole how can anyone continue after that?  But… you can and do.
    
     Jeremy wrote me and all those he loved a letter and the biggest part I hold onto is that he did not want us to stay in midnight, he did not want us to stay unhappy forever to know that he is in a better place waiting and watching over us all.  It’s only been almost 8 months but I want to take what he said and apply it to my life and be as strong as he is.  I will forever try to strive to be more like Husband.  He is and will forever be the light to my soul and will always remain in my heart, (and arm! Lol I completed a full sleeve tattoo dedicated to my hubby).  I will always try to be a better person and do things the way he would have done.  I was lucky and received my husband’s wedding band back after one of his fellow Marines searched and searched a field for it just to make sure I would have it back.  Where do these men come from?  Absolutely amazing and could never repay an act like that.  I created a necklace for it and it’s always hanging around my neck close to my heart where it belongs.
          
     I've learned that everything doesn't have to have a set plan, rhyme or reason that you think it will or should have... When you think things, situations or circumstances are hopeless be determined to turn it around into something positive... We have the ability to select different paths based on what life hands us, and you can choose how happy or positive you are along the way. I refuse to be stuck in negativity.  I am going to radiate this attitude!  I know Jeremy is proud of me and what I’m doing with my life and because I laugh harder than I think I ever had in my life.  I’m living for the both of us so I do things times two!  I never thought that was possible, but being surrounded by so many people that love Jeremy, my family, his family and his Marine Corps family it’s been an amazing support system and I know I couldn’t have done it without any of them!   As I move forward into this new life I have been thrown into I do not want to hold back on anything, I don’t think in anyway shape or form that will diminish the love Jeremy and I shared.  I think it just means that I’m learning how to live with him in a different way.  With these thoughts I look forward to being genuinely happy again and maybe even create a new fairy tale in my life whatever that may be…  I hope by sharing this might touch and help someone who is going through the same thing.

Much Love… 

Rachel

6 comments:

  1. I am so proud of you Sweetheart for opening up your heart and letting your light and life reach out to help others. I am so thankful to God for seeing fit to bring you into Jeremy's life. And consequently my life as well. Words cannot express how grateful I am to you for bringing such joy into Jeremy's life. You made him complete and you fufilled his dreams and my prayers for him. I know he is so proud of you for "not staying in midnight". But rather stepping out and living again and making you new life account for something special and making a positive difference in the lives of others. I am so proud of you and I love you so much...../ Daddy II

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wow what an incredible strong woman. What an inspiration. I have not had the opportunity of having close family members in the military and the experiences that go with that. You have to be a special person to come out of such a trial the way you are. Thank you for sharing of yourself. You have already touched and strengthened others including myself. I have always believed that when we can find the lessons learned in our trials we can bless the lives of others by sharing our experiences. Thank you for helping me and others.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Mija, I am so proud of you and how you have chosen to deal with your loss. You are a very strong and special woman. Jeremy was the "light in your soul", and now you are the light to many others. You have made such an impact on so many peoples lives already by showing the love and compassion that you have within yourself. Jeremy is smiling down on you and is so proud of you for all that you are doing to help others and by setting the example. You are showing so many others like yourself that the loss of a loving spouse does not have to be the end of your life, but the beginning of a new one. One that Jeremy can be proud of. You were Jeremy's true soul and it reflects in everything you do. I love you very much and am very proud of you!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Rachel, you truly are an inspiration. I am in aw of how you have turned your situation into something positive. It takes a special person to be able to do that. I have been dealing with the passing of a loved one also. We had recently split before he passed (about 2-3 months or so), but he was still my love... my other half. I had always hoped we'd, take a breather, work through everything & try it once again... but, that never happened. Despite the differences him and I had, I know that feeling of love between two people that you speak of. Its indescribable. I know that I have to live life the way he would want me to. I have been doing a lot better than ever, but reading your first entry has already helped me a great deal. I will continue to read and follow you on your journey. May the Lord be with you every step of the way. Thank you so much for helping me. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Rachel,
    This blog is an amazing idea. I read it and reread it. It touched me every time. I want to share your story. It makes me thankful for what I have and who I have in my life. You're an amazing woman! I hope that you can continue living your life with him by your side in a different form. Love like that does not just go away, not matter what happens. I hope you have an amazing journey/experience! You will and always have had an impact on every person's life you will meet/have met. I adore and admire that you can keep being the amazingly talented, beautiful and strong woman you are. I love you and miss you. If your adventures bring you to North Carolina, please stop by! I would love to see you. (PS, Scuba Diving would be an awesome new hobby.. WWII ship wrecks off the coast of NC! lol) You deserve the absolute best! Be safe and live your life, girl! <3 xoxo <3
    -Stevie Younger Betz

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thank you for your story ..Thank you for your sacrifice You are living proof that the Heroes are also those left behind..God bless and thank you
    Hal

    ReplyDelete