Yesterday
would have made three years since Jeremy and I were married… The time just seems crazy that it’s already
been a year since we received the news of Jeremy’s death and the following day
was one of our happiest days… I decided
today that I would try to start reading the journal Jeremy kept while he was
deployed. I also want to share a little back
story on it because it’s one of my favorites.
For the last Christmas Jeremy was here I decided and set out on a “mission”,
if you will, to find the most perfect Christmas gifts I could that not only
would Jeremy love but that since he was about to deploy I wanted him to be able
to take his gifts with him and they be thoughtful yet useful. I did not want to get him something that he
would have to wait almost a year to enjoy…
After much thought I came up with three items: wireless headphones for
his IPod so he didn’t have to mess with any wires, a solar panel charger to
keep all his electronics charged without constantly having to buy batteries to
charge his stuff, and a leather bound journal for his writings and poems. Leading up to Christmas I kept bragging and
teasing him telling him everything I thought up to get him he could take with
him on deployment. He would just laugh
probably thinking, “yeah right my silly Wifey but I appreciate the thought”. Well the time came and he opened my heart
felt gifts to him and seemed to almost be in shock as if he was thinking, “I
can’t believe it! She was right!” I was so happy and glad that not only was he
impressed but besides all that it was one of the best Christmas’s I had been
able to share with anyone and I’m glad it seemed to be extra special
considering it would be the last Christmas we would be able to share
together.
The
last time I was able to talk to Jeremy on the phone was the Sunday before he
was killed, April 3rd. He
sounded and seemed so happy. He was in
his element and he was doing what he loved which put me at ease. He told me that day he would not only be
writing about his day to day and poems in his journal but he will also be writing
letters to me that I could read when he got home. Basically it was extremely rare and or
difficult to send mail so he thought this to be the easiest way and he could
feel as though as he could talk to me everyday.
I am an extremely lucky girl… We
had a special connection that is unexplainable.
I love him so very much and I know he definitely was on the same page as
me. He wrote a lot about what we were
going to do with our lives when he got home, how he never really wanted to
leave me again. He wrote about where we would go for our Honeymoon we never got
to go on, wondered how long it would take us to get pregnant with our own and
even had hopes it would be as soon as our Honeymoon. His thoughts brought a smile and a tear to my
cheek, there is never any doubt of how in love he was with me. He’s so amazing and I’m very lucky to be able
to have such writings to hold onto from Jeremy.
We had a few of the best years
together. Jeremy knew everything about
making me smile, he understood me in a way that no one else did and I know
there wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do to take care of not just me but securing
the connection we shared together. Our
life together was based on friendship, real love, and a true commitment to each
other. I loved our life.
Much Love…Rachel
